Tough Choices.

As I thought about the places in Europe that I would like to visit and the number of holidays I have left, it just struck me today suddenly that Ive barely much time left in UK/ Europe.

And its probably time for me to stop moping about being homesick and maybe start making good use of my time here- to see more of Europe (Where to find time for Berlin, Greece, Switzerland, Turkey, Portugal, Morocco), to watch more football matches (yes Im positively excited about the Arsenal- Man City match at Emirates Stadium tmr) and musicals/ plays, to frequent more michelin starred restaurants and enjoy the pizzas & kebabs, and most importantly, to enjoy the freedom that I have taken so for granted.

An old friend of my mine who had studied here in the UK but have since returned back home to Singapore, told me that she has since started missing her life here quite a bit. This surprised me slightly, for she was one of my kind- someone who would get so terribly homesick and be hit by seasonal affective disorder (SAD) during winter and is always happy to be back home in the land of good food, good weather and good beaches. But as she said, the grass is always greener on the other side- she has started missing all the freedom she used to have. I could see why- when Im back home for holidays, everyone seemed to let me have things my way, cos Im hardly back. I get to choose where to eat, what to do and our holiday destination. But I would think that the novelty of having me back when I do return for good will wane, if Im lucky, after a honeymoon settling- in period of 1 month. And then, it might be back to schooling- days, with a curfew and all. How ready am I for that? But then again, how ready am I to stay here potentially for another good 10 years?

Life's full of tough choices- I have thought long and hard about how badly I would like to go home to do my housemanship and my registrar training which would mean:
1. Im home.
2. Im going to be working with people whom I can really get along well with. (As much as I hate to say this, I still do find it hard to really connect with the angmohs. We really do have different humour.)
But ...
1. Less freedom, less pay (least of my worries to be honest).
2. Harder to get specialty of choice cos its so much more competitive in singapore (number places in each specialty is probably 30x less and Im not even trying to exaggerate the statistics), and we medics who have graduated outside Singapore are generally considered to be less able than the locals. Plus, we are apparently disadvantaged with regards to application for the residency programme because "we do not know the consultants"- ie. poor networking.

So here I am still sitting on the fence, deciding whether its time to pack up and go home, or to rough it out for a good career. Either way, I have this nagging fear that I will one day no longer be able to fit in anywhere anymore.