PMS.

I wonder if Im suffering from PMS now.

Didnt have any mood to do anything at all today. Gave up very quickly after a half hearted attempt to work, Im playing torchlight and yet not really enjoying it much. Have been like this for the past 8hrs or so? But before wagging the finger and telling me that I aint no more teenager and I should not get all emo and such, I think i have definitely done a great job in looking happy :D

And despite my laughs and the wide grin on my face, I feel lonely.

I know people dont mean it when they niao me, but today is the day when I take it literally and act like I dont mind the insults (or should I say cold harsh truth) but I do.

And i know, Im supposed to still laugh it off and not spoil things. Afterall, this is what everyone would expect of the Peishan they know.

I know Im supposed to be cheery and non- chalant and take everything in my stride,

But today aint the day.

And today, I miss home. Terribly much.

考试期间，暑假心情。

咳，真的好没心情读书哦！

真希望暑假能马上来。不是不喜欢上学，只是不喜欢为了考试而念书。

And i hereby give up typing in Chinese. Cant get a half decent msg across at all.

Performance and Mastery Motivation

Today my neighbour taught me, or should i say reminded me, something about what drives people. The drive to excel which I think I have seem to lost as the years went by.

The idea of mastery motivation is one 境界 which I would like myself to eventually reach- to learn because I want to , because I want to better myself, because I want to be a better doctor, because I want to know about about the world around me, to understand why it is the way it is and to know how I can make a difference. I know Im on the path and I want to, as Steve Jobs once told Stanford, to always stay hungry and stay foolish.

Torchlight

Im now positively, irreversibly, hopelessly addicted to this stupid new RPG game Torchlight which my geeky flatmate Archie introduced to me. Im becoming Morgan Grimes.

It has gotten to such a terrible stage whereby I look out of the window and its bright and the next time I look out again it is bright too. I have stooped to the level of asking a bimbo qn like "Does the sun ever set in Summer?"

That aside, Im otherwise loving life. Gen Med spec is awesome, the consultants fab and the workload just about right. Life back in the flat is almost like being home. And the weather is getting warmer.

Things are def quite cheery ...

My only want is for medical knowledge to just diffuse into my head.

Omg, its Mid- May!

Today is one of those days where my Piscean personality sets in- I get (embarrasingly) emotional. Not the head- banging/ dont- talk- to- me mood swings (I would in fact still look perfectly fine if you had walked into my room right now), but more like Im suddenly irrationally overwhelmed with a sense of homesickness. All this emotions for not much of a reason- not PMS, not 'cos Im getting bullied, not 'cos school work is screwing me over (though I have to admit Im not in the best state right now) and not 'cos Im not getting along with the people around me.

Maybe its the flu.

Time is passing way too quickly, its now Mid- May and its almost the end of year 3, the end of living in halls with a bunch of very interesting characters and the coming of the final exams proper. Im going to miss them. And I really do wonder what it would be like in future, if I would still actually keep in touch with them or do our lives just move on, with this 1 year staying as a memory which I would look back at and smile.

Now I am to move on and stop being all wishy- washy; I have indulged myself enough.

You know that when I update, Im supposed to be studying.

Time passes way too quickly. I was just reminded recently by Prisc that she'll be over here in London in 1 wk's time, and I cant believe how in 1 wk's time i would have gone through 3/4 of my third year.

What scares me most is that before i know it, i would be graduating soon and that I would be let lose on the wards with all these gaps in my knowledge, and my inability to actually do a proper examination and interpret/ elicit signs. And I would soon have to make decisions on which specialties I like, and where I would like to work, and what to do with my life in general. These are definitely scary decisions to make. As much as I hate to admit it, I definitely have one foot into adulthood now, if not both. The thought of having to deal with rents and office politics and I dont know what else is freaky.

This year has been an interesting year for me in many ways. Its not smooth sailing (you know it when Im putting on weight since Im sucha comfort eater) but Im still glad I had the chance to experience it. At least, I could say that I have never been bored.

Easter Break ... finally!

Firstly (and most importantly) Thanks Boobie and Babe for the Bday card! It totally made my day, cant say how it totally made the start of my easter break perfect (((:

Just back from an awesome lunch at Launceston Place to kickstart what i hope would be a great Easter break (although its only 1 pathetic break). The Gloucester Old Spot Pork was seriously one of the best pork dishes I have had in my life. The thin layer of fat under the crispy skin literally melts in your mouth. Absolutely heavenly! :D The lunch menu was really value, 20pounds for a 3 course meal (though they do add in a pre- starter and pre- dessert and free flow of bread on the house).

Gordon Ramsay is def next on my list of to try list.

Heading up to York for a couple of days, looking forward to trying out all the good food that dj has been talking about. And also shopping at the outlet! :D

Countdown to Easter Break.

The past week or so has literally been a bday celebration week (afterall, this is only whats expected for a princess).

But for those who are still vexing on what to get me for my bday, please ...

1. DONT get my any more food. Im in need of a diet.

I would however appreciated:

1. Tuning Fork sets: 512Hz +/- 128Hz ones

2. Ophthalmoscope set

Actually any form of sponsorship would do cos i know how ridiculously expensive medical equipments are!

Films, Films ... and more Films!

Why am I up at 4am and was asleep at 7.30pm?

My body clock is like officially screwed, which signifies Ive finally succumbed to following the lifestyles of most normal university students.

Im trying to decide if its quite loser to go watch movies on my own, cos there are so many shows now that I wanna catch:

1. Invictus

2. Green Zone

3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

4. Crazy Heart ... on DVD maybe

And shows coming up that I would like to catch:

1. How to train your dragon ... 3D!

2. Clash of the Titans ... 3D!

3. Kick- Ass

4. Nanny McPhee

And recent films that I think are worth watching (for you Boobie):

- The Hurt Locker (there is a reason why this is a big winner at the Oscars)

- Alice in the Wonderland 3D (cos its 3D and there's Johnny Depp. But dont get your hopes up cos it really was quite disappointing)

I couldnt quite appreciate Precious too much myself, despite all the rave reviews about it.

Everyone loved Up in The Air, but other than George Clooney I didnt quite like it that much.

I liked From Paris with Love, which is not a romantic film (but a thriller) despite its title. And since Bend it Like Beckham, I havent watched a Johnathan Rhys Meyer film for quite some time.

And Im waiting for the DVDs for Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson to come out.

Ok this is not a good sign at all considering I have already been on a 2 month work hiatus. Something possibly unheard of in Singapore, or amongst Singaporeans really.

Burnt Out.

The 4h nap I just had was awesome! Though it means that it has completely screwed up my sleeping schedule, and doubly worse cos I had it after a very very huge lunch (which is not a good idea considering Im in a perpetual uphill battle to lose weight).

I was kinda feeling a little burnt out ever since I transferred to the Whit. Im not sure if Im not used to the long hours, travelling time or just a new (extremely) keen firm. They just keep going on. Or is it just me not being able to sleep well at night. And I have reached a point in time, whereby Im quick sick of trying to make friends. I like making friends, only when its comes naturally, and not having to rack your brains all the time to find conversation or laugh at in-my-opinion-not-so-funny things. 3 years on, and I still feel the culture shock sometimes. I give Stef (and some others) full credit for being able to blend in so well and so easily. Maybe its just me who's resistant to change?

And all these on top of trying to get on top of my work, which is lagging to quite an embarrassing stage, going to the gym (to lose the pounds Ive put on since ... I cant even rem when was it that i ate in moderate amts) and still having a social life.

That being said, Im still looking fwd to the fun and meals this weekend, and my bday next week. And then it would be Easter break (although its a pathetic 1wk long), when I would be heading to York :D

I was deciding between studying or going to the gym, and Ive just spent an hour online.

Ok, maybe discipline is my problem.

The Blind Side

This movie is so good that i managed to stay awake and love it although I havent had sleep for the past 36h (blame night takes).

Based on a true story, it is def one of those feel good inspirational films you'll need to get your through half- term.

There's good ol' Sandra Bullock, whom I havent seen produce a good film in quite some time, who does the thing she does best and shows us how it can be so beautiful to age gracefully. She has managed to take on a mature motherly figure role and yet, make boys fantasize about her at the same time (not that i do, but i would if i was a guy).

The performances by the others were great as well, and best of all, all these feel good fuzzy stuff is based on something that has happened around us. This is an awesome story that is born 'cos someone has a great heart to make a difference to people around her.

虽然我们相识无言中 彼此情谊不深 心灵却相通

HC Night ytd was amazing! :D The food was alright (though portions generous, which was great for hungry people like me. But not good cos we were in glam dresses and not supposed to stuff ourselves silly) but the company was really really what made the night so awesome. So many of the councillors came down from all parts of Europe (Jamie, Kailing, Gloria, Hon) and then Stef, Wenxi and Charm from Oxbridge and then there were the Londoners- Mark, Dawei, Paul, Xun. We managed one whole table, how amazing is that!

Its nice to see changes in some people (cos it was for the better), and that some people havent changed one bit (which is great too).

But the downside to these kinda events is that there are so many people that I kinda know but i dont really know, and I dont quite know what to say after the usual Hi, how have you been or Your outfit's amazing. So I just end up sitting at my table, and talking to the same few people (which is actually, to be quite honest, what i really want to do. After all, i havent seen these friends of mine for what seems like ages.)

Got woken up this morning by Kenneth at 7-ish who came barging into my room, with Mac's breakfast. It was a nice feeling being brought breakfast, and talking to him considering that though we barely live more than 10mins apart, I dont think Ive actually seen him much.

Fell asleep right after Big Breakfast, and got woken up again in time to join my flatmates for Yum Cha at Chinatown. I think amongst the 5 of us, we ordered more than 20dishes. We were literally ordering without thinking much. Added up to 70ish in all for all of us, thats how much we had. But it was def a good meal :D Its been quite some time since I have properly hung out with my flatmates, since I was so busy running about with my family and all.

But it reminded me, how much I really like them :D

Mixed Feelings

Just a quick entry 'cos Im having mixed feelings about my brother going back home. I think Im going to miss the arguing with him, listening to him talk about how cheeky he has been and the silly things that goes on in school and also about girls in general. Im def going to miss bossing him about and having fights and knowing tt at the end of the day 'cos we are sibs things will always be fine.

But i guess its time to get on track and get some work done, esp with a new term starting. Have been jetting about and been out of school more than Im in (not good since Im supposed be a full time student, and a med student as that). Oh and also, stop eating so much and get some exercise and LOSE SOME WEIGHT :( Wished I could be someone who would be able to eat loads and loads and not put on any weight.

HC Night this Sat. Looking forward to seeing the councillors. At least that would brighten up my spirits a little after my brother leaves.

Hongbaos for Haiti

Firstly, just let me explain my hiatus.

My fam was around and its been such a crazy time with all the weekend trips to Madrid and Amsterdam and what not. Then I was hit by a bad headache which pretty much left me useless for days.

My work is currently in the most devastated state. I havent clerked any patients for 1 whole week, and this has been observed by my profs, which is utterly embarrassing.

But it is CNY after all, which perks me up a bit, though I dont quite get the atmosphere here in London. But im not complaining much cos it is nice to have my brother and alvin around to spend it with this year. I wish it wouldnt be so cold here though. Just when I thought it was getting nice and warm.

Anyway, Ive decided that this year, Im going to be doing something meaningful for CNY, after reading abt the Haiti Earthquake.

So, here I am, blatantly canvassing for support for my baby fundraising project for the kids affected by the Earthquake.

Hongbaos for Haiti

Basically, my good friend Stef and I have decided that this year we would be pledging part of our Hongbao money for UNICEF, who is involved in the relief missions in Haiti, following the Earthquake country on 12th of Jan.

Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere and half of its population are under 21years old. Although rescue missions are starting to end, funds are urgently needed for rebuilding and to provide safe water, temporary shelter systems, essential medical supplies etc. UNICEF concentrates their works on orphans, young children and their mothers. As we all know, these people are usually the ones who are most vulnerable in such disasters.

So here I am, appealing to all of you, no matter where you are in the world, to extend a little of your kindness as you enjoy this festive season to these people. Please join our FB group to help spread the msg, and you can make your donation via this website.

What we hope is that, you would not only make the donation, but leave a personal msg for your friends to do the same. No amt is too little, and telling 1 other friend is also great help! And hopefully, together all of us would be able to raise a substantial amt by the end of the CNY.

Here's wishing everyone an awesome chinese new year! 新年快乐！

Family's going to be in Town!

Part of me is super excited about my family coming tmr, but another part of me is totally not excited that my brother's friends are going to be staying in my room. Everyone that I have told me about has gone "Harrr? Your room how to squeeze another 3 more humans?"

Yar, like seriously God knows why my brother invited 2 more dudes. And my hunch is that they are not cute, which totally doesnt help. (Sorry, I am superficial.)

Had a pretty damn good weekend of superb food (celebrated Carmen's Bday at Indigo at One Aldwych), and watched tons of movies. (6 in a row.)

And if you havent watched it yet, The Hurt Locker is really quite fantastic :D

职业病

Im watching Indiana Jones now, and the first thing that I think of when I heard Scorpion Bite was ... A rare cause of Acute Pancreatitis.

Sigh, 真的患了职业病.

-

Anyway, does anyone have any recommendations of any good movies? :D

Just watched Up yesterday (I know Im slow), and I feel bad for saying this but I think I only didnt like it that much cos I was truly extremely annoyed by the fat korean boy.

Staying Foolish, Staying Hungry.

Today, I think I refound my enthusiasm for medicine. Its not that Ive ever hated medicine at any point of time, but once in a while, I find it hard to remain super-keen (something that should have been built into every singaporean, much less someone from the schools ive been to) or even worse, to actually attended scheduled lessons.

But today, as I held the hand of a confused man and managed to get him to listen to me and to calm down, I am reminded that this is actually something that I really want to do. And that Im never going to be a good doctor and make a difference if I dont put in the hard work. No work, no gain.

Something that my GP said to me today really struck me- He said that sometimes, all you need to do to deal with hyperventilation, is to hold your patients hand and breathe with them.

And that was what I did with a terrified old lady with such battered hands cos so many people has failed to get blood from her tiny veins (Ken did a lovely job at finding it though), and with the aforementioned confused old man, and I actually felt like I finally did make a difference as a medical student. Not just another self- centred brat, roaming the wards so that I can pass my finals. As Steve Jobs said to Stanford, I do hope that I would be able to Stay foolish, Stay hungry for as long as possible.

Avatar!

I know I must have looked like I dropped off from the face of Earth, but I think I might just have valid excuses for it.

I finally sent my lovely sexay Mac for repair at the awesome Genius Bar 'cos it kept crashing on me. (My poor lady suffered 5mths of epileptic shocks.) They took more than 2 weeks to get back to me even though they promised 10days.

After that, it was preparation for the highly disastrous exam I look yesterday. I felt like I have pretty much wasted my time studying for the paper.

I mean I was laughing as I walked out of the hall, cos its one of those papers which Im pretty damn sure I failed. It was basically a paper which tested the whole year's work as a practice for our end of years, but there were almost like zero surgery questions, which is basically the only thing which I have done properly. Cant say how depressing it was to flip through pages after pages of rheumatology (God help me on this.), skin problems, illnesses associated with the elderly and Gen Med Spec stuff :( Oh and not to forget histology. I dont admit those pink stuff aint pretty, but after 2.5years I really still have no idea what those blobs are man.

Decided to go watch Avatar: The Movie in 3D after that. And it was pretty damn awesome! :D

It was a pity we missed the first 20mins of it though (cos we were too hungry and greedy and thought that its unforgiveable to miss dinner even if it meant missing part of the show). I think I might actually go back to watch it in 2D, and get the DVD (extra footages!) when it comes out.

Going for Indian tonight with the councillors cos Hon is popping by from Lyon. Looking forward to some curry, esp in this awfully cold weather.

And Im so going to get all those movies from my flatmates and cuddle up in bed and catch up on what I have missed for the past, what feels like almost eternity.

Not so Merry Christmas.

My holiday plans are seriously getting screwed all over by this bug of mine.

I wake up late, feel my stomach growling, have a huge meal and then start feeling drowsy and ache-y all over and then go back to sleep.

Which totally screws my revision AND diet plan.

And i hate having to breathe through my mouth, cos it makes my tongue feel like its got scalded and my lips crack. My heart rate's also racing, though I have no idea why. Im drinking so much that I going to the loo every 10mins or so, so I doubt its going to be dehydration.

What a way to spend xmas and start the new year :(

Im def going to be booking a flight back home for next Xmas.

Its not like when I stay here i do anything productive or have plans to travel anyway.

Chubby Tummy's Hols :D

I have been wanting to go to the gym for the past 1 wk or so, but the horrid weather is just making me dread the disgusting walk (although its not more than 10mins really). And now Im down to with a runny nose and bad headache. What a way to spend xmas hols.

The moaning aside, Im glad I finally settled all my travel plans for Jan and Feb :D My brother and some of his friends plus my mum and gran would be coming over! Yay. After days and days of hounding my brother to confirm with his friends on their plans on where they would like to visit and their budgets, we finally have come up with a pseudo- finalised itinerary. We have plans for 2 weekend trips to Madrid and Amsterdam, which Im pretty much very hyped about. Shopping and Hookers, what more can we ask for no? :D Oh of course, not to forget waffles, fries and TAPAS! I hope it would be a blast, thats of course, if I dont get so annoyed by the 2 extra dudes that I would want to stab their eye.

(Erns, I totally feel your pissed-at-thick-skinned-arses now.)

And then it would be off to Venice after that! Im pretty tempted to book a nice place to chill and relax in Venice, instead of staying at a shoddy old shack. But thats also depending on what Carmen have to say about it.

Im still thinking if I should take a short break and stay in London for a weekend or do another trip during the CNY/ Vday wkend. If so, Im considering either Germany, which I have always wanted to visit, or Manchester, since the latter has a huge Chinatown.

So thats one whole month of burnt weekends. Hopefully, I wont be too shattered after that.