PMS.

I wonder if Im suffering from PMS now.

Didnt have any mood to do anything at all today. Gave up very quickly after a half hearted attempt to work, Im playing torchlight and yet not really enjoying it much. Have been like this for the past 8hrs or so? But before wagging the finger and telling me that I aint no more teenager and I should not get all emo and such, I think i have definitely done a great job in looking happy :D

And despite my laughs and the wide grin on my face, I feel lonely.

I know people dont mean it when they niao me, but today is the day when I take it literally and act like I dont mind the insults (or should I say cold harsh truth) but I do.

And i know, Im supposed to still laugh it off and not spoil things. Afterall, this is what everyone would expect of the Peishan they know.

I know Im supposed to be cheery and non- chalant and take everything in my stride,

But today aint the day.

And today, I miss home. Terribly much.

考试期间，暑假心情。

咳，真的好没心情读书哦！

真希望暑假能马上来。不是不喜欢上学，只是不喜欢为了考试而念书。

And i hereby give up typing in Chinese. Cant get a half decent msg across at all.

Performance and Mastery Motivation

Today my neighbour taught me, or should i say reminded me, something about what drives people. The drive to excel which I think I have seem to lost as the years went by.

The idea of mastery motivation is one 境界 which I would like myself to eventually reach- to learn because I want to , because I want to better myself, because I want to be a better doctor, because I want to know about about the world around me, to understand why it is the way it is and to know how I can make a difference. I know Im on the path and I want to, as Steve Jobs once told Stanford, to always stay hungry and stay foolish.

Torchlight

Im now positively, irreversibly, hopelessly addicted to this stupid new RPG game Torchlight which my geeky flatmate Archie introduced to me. Im becoming Morgan Grimes.

It has gotten to such a terrible stage whereby I look out of the window and its bright and the next time I look out again it is bright too. I have stooped to the level of asking a bimbo qn like "Does the sun ever set in Summer?"

That aside, Im otherwise loving life. Gen Med spec is awesome, the consultants fab and the workload just about right. Life back in the flat is almost like being home. And the weather is getting warmer.

Things are def quite cheery ...

My only want is for medical knowledge to just diffuse into my head.

Omg, its Mid- May!

Today is one of those days where my Piscean personality sets in- I get (embarrasingly) emotional. Not the head- banging/ dont- talk- to- me mood swings (I would in fact still look perfectly fine if you had walked into my room right now), but more like Im suddenly irrationally overwhelmed with a sense of homesickness. All this emotions for not much of a reason- not PMS, not 'cos Im getting bullied, not 'cos school work is screwing me over (though I have to admit Im not in the best state right now) and not 'cos Im not getting along with the people around me.

Maybe its the flu.

Time is passing way too quickly, its now Mid- May and its almost the end of year 3, the end of living in halls with a bunch of very interesting characters and the coming of the final exams proper. Im going to miss them. And I really do wonder what it would be like in future, if I would still actually keep in touch with them or do our lives just move on, with this 1 year staying as a memory which I would look back at and smile.

Now I am to move on and stop being all wishy- washy; I have indulged myself enough.